I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
