Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
