One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
