You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
