He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
