Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
