I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
