Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Houston, we have a blender
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
