4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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