I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My bed smells like the plague
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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