Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
