I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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