I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
