Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you had me at cake vodka
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
