I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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