dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
