So drunk its hurt
kristin has been a bad kristin
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
