We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
