you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
