im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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