Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
