just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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