Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
