im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
