dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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