i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
