when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
