You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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