I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
