it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Redeem this text for a blowjob
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
