drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
