wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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