hotel room ftw
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Send help, water and tortillas.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
