i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
