is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
