Who did Billy Mays play for?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
