i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
