She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
