The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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