Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
