It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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