WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
