I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
