At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
