My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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