I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
