the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
