shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
