My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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