at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
