FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
