you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
