We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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