Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
