I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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